SKY

昨天天阴阴的。因为一场连绵大雨从凌晨到清早，整个吉隆坡突然降温。天气凉爽极了。也因为开心的做了一个training，心情好好的。在回家的路上，我的思绪无比清晰领悟了一些平时一直想不通的东西。 1. 常常问自己从补习那儿学到了什么。以前一直觉得自己做补习没有向前踏步。现在才了解到我的耐心都是那时培养的。 2. 当时在旧公司一直做的不怎么开心，也一直后悔自己在那儿待太久了。近来因为朋友的一个好心赞扬，我才知道以前在旧公司学得还真多，也为我的现在打下了深厚的基础。在新公司我的知识很受用。因为那个好心赞扬，我才知道以前我在旧公司做的事情对很多人来说很重要。那些从中受惠的人都很赞赏我们的工作。                                                                                                                                                                   3. 目前的工作让我有机会发挥以前学过的知识，还让我和更多的同行接洽。而且我们这一组有很多可以发挥的地方，还有很多空间。 4. 默默做事情，真的做的有点无聊了。来不及参与的盛会，说不定哪一天，我就想要去了。（就好像alchemist里的情节，当我们要达到目标时，...

Ah.. this is what he would tell me or at least quite similar to what he has told me. He is the only one I can think of when I am listening to this song. LOL I'm not a fortune teller I won't be bringing news of what tomorrow brings I'll leave that up to you I'm not a fortune teller Don't have a crystal ball I can't predict the future Can't see nothing at all It doesn't mean I'm afraid Of all the things that you say But I just think we should stay Stuck in the moment today And as the seasons roll by No matter how hard I try Summer will end and the leaves will turn again

偶然听见这句歌词：收集爱情的孤独。啊，爱情里的那份孤独。要从哪里说起呢？ 是啊，难道爱情里就没有孤独？有了另一半，你要承受的孤独还要多呢。另一半不在的时候比没有的时候，寂寞更多了。那时就连独自吃饭看戏玩游戏，这些一个人能做的事，也觉得空洞。 所以啊，能忍受孤独的人，即使有爱情了也不要忘记孤独的滋味。 在爱情里收集孤独，还是一份优差啊。至少你知道那个爱你的人只是暂时离开。那一份再相见的喜悦远远超过了那份孤独。 爱情的孤独容易让人沉溺，可是我们却心甘情愿。可恶。

我的青春没有多少眼泪都是笑着过的。 到了21岁正值花样，因为生活急转弯，实在太苦了，总是会偶尔大哭一场，还会歇斯底里。 其他时间都很忙碌，然后渐渐麻木。 26时觉得自己不再成长，所以趁自己还未步入三十之前赶快来个事业急转弯。 在事业攀了一个高峰又一个后，即将33的我突然在感情上有了依靠。 流了比平时更多的眼泪，也笑得比平时更多。 感情上的成长伴随着眼泪。 哈，那还真是奇妙的经历。今天生气伤心，明天又充满了勇气。 另一种生命里的历练啊。

我没想到害怕有这么大的力量，竟然会影响我的判决。误会他的意思，还要先发制人。 我害怕他离开，所以先发制人。 我害怕他不爱我，所以我想先离开。 我害怕，所以我只往坏处想。 终究我害怕，所以我自私。 我害怕，这真不可爱。

Save me. 过了一天我的心还在痛。隐隐作痛。是我患病了吗？还是我无法放下？ 今天早上，我们仿佛和好了。虽然和好了，心里很不踏实。 前天他已经说了如果我不理他，我们就算了。因为他不想像以前一样觉得自己被利用被忽略。这么容易可以算，今早再和他确定，他说是的。这仿佛告诉我，他没有太需要你，也没有很要我，更不要说爱你。 你没接他的电话时，他只放话说这样代表我们结束了。然后去找朋友咨询我们的问题，却没有想来找你和你好好谈谈。 这么一说。今天起身的那刻，即使听到他说爱我，爱他的心好像离开了。 可是一切又很模糊。是我累了吗？或许我已经不能再承受了。 今早吵着要他过来，就是想让自己定下来，不要让自己乱想了。救我。 可终究他没有听到我在求救。 我不知道该怎么面对他。心里还在痛。太疼了。 明天还要见面吗？

You're a half a world away But in my mind I whisper every single word you say And before you sleep at night You pray to me, your lucky star Your singing satellite Above & Beyond

今天我又哭了。这个星期已经是第三次碰到地雷了。 如果可以好好谈谈就好，偏偏他选择不理我。还不让我去接他。这不是惩罚是什么呀。 我该怎么办？我哭，因为不知道我该怎样表达自己，又不让他难过。 想念又如何？我窝在床上抱着自己疗伤。

When I was in my twenties, I was extremely poor. Paying housing loan and supporting my own living expenses as well as some family expenses and studying at the same time, I needed to save on a lot of things including food. I used to eat lunch at mamak stall. I had roti canai and teh tarik. I didn’t even dare to order something different because it would cost a bit more. When I had lessons at faculty, I ate mix rice without any meat. It would cost less than RM3. For dinner, I ordered home delivery for two but it fed three of us. This was the time where I experienced hair loss and my facial complexion went bad. Then, when I graduated and started working full time as tutor, I earned more. I started to buy more nutritious food. I went back to my healthy lifestyle. I went gym. I drank yogurt drink and milk. I got myself fruits, oats and cereals. My mother came home and took care of us. I actually live better but I have never regained my good and smooth facial complexion. Perhaps, the m...

和他本来就无所不谈，好像什么都可以说也可以一起做。即使隔了4、5年，我们原来还是一样。又回到了原点，只是这一次他是真的为了我回来。 我们两个生在不同的时代里，根本不可能相遇，也相遇了。不可能相知也相知了。不可能在一起也在一起了。啊，还有什么比这些更难？ 说他是笨蛋，其实我才是呢。最终自己还是陷得很深。爱一个人就是这么简单。 P/s: I was thinking to translate this for someone, but then he is an idiot. 16-4-14 18-4-14 For the one and only one We used to talk a lot, as if we could talk everything and anything, and do everything and anything. Even after 4-5 years, we have not changed much (apparently we are not). We are now (returning to) the initial point, but this time he is coming back for me. We were born at different generation. It was absurd to meet but we did. It was absurd to be close and acquainted well with each other but we did. It was absurd to be together but we did. Oh, could it be more difficult than this? Calling him an idiot, but the truth is I am the fool. At last, I am still falling in love, deeply. But as simple as it is, this is love and to love someone it is simple.

看陽光在閃耀 看你的背影 See the sun glaring Look at your silhouette 你不過離開十五秒 You just left not less than 15 seconds 回頭看看我 你的微笑 Look back at me you are smiling 我怦然心跳 My heart is palpitating in excitement 因為 在我的心上 現在有了一個人 Because there are someone in my heart now 因為 在你身旁 我不再害怕 生命的空洞 Because you are by my side I am not afraid of the hollow in my life anymore 現在 一切是那麼美麗 Now, everything is so beautiful 因為你愛我 我不會再寂寞 Because you love me I am not alone anymore 忽然明白了 我們的相遇 Suddenly realized that our encounter 是找到了另一個自己 Is to meet the other half of myself 我忍受這孤寂 尋尋又覓覓 I bear with the loneliness keep looking and searching 等待有一天 愛情的出現 await for the love to turn up one day 穿越過人群 我並不在意 Cleaving a path through the crowd, I don’t mind 錯過最後一班的捷運 Missing the last train 慢慢走著 慢慢的想著 Walking slowly, thinking gently on 你的每一個神情 your facial expressions, each of them 王若琳