SKY

I was in a plane. I fall asleep. He was in my dream again. May be it is me who wants to meet him again. But, I know we will never go back. Traveled too often in July. Was alone to Bangkok. Sometimes, I cannot stand traveling alone. After many travels, I thought I should have get used to it. I supposed I have not changed - I'm still the girl who afraid of loneliness. I remember what he said: I'm not what I think I am. Perhaps, it is true. I traveled to Sabah for a training with new colleague and trainers. Seeing young faces, it makes me happy. Once again, they said I looked young. Many times, people have said this to me. At that time, I was not sure whether I'm still living with a heart as young as them. After back from India, I know I'm not. I am somehow, have turned into a selfish adult, a coward or an idiot. May be I know myself too perfectly, to hide my imperfectness behind these young eyes. Should I not admit this? In my memories, I still remember the girl who...

这一刻，讨厌这个我。 内心满是厌恶，讨厌现在的我。 因为知道他，所以更厌恶他。正如他以为，我就是笨蛋，一个假装笨蛋的我。 就假装看不见，让他以为赢了。 就让他以为我是笨蛋。 反正我就是可以选择做笨蛋-因为他不值得我去说明白。 只讨厌自己一刻。

人的想法很可怕。 我必须承认——我那黑暗的一面。只有接受这黑暗，面对它，才能自信地活出自己。反正人就是多面性的，才可以有无限的可能。没有人永远站在光明，也没有人永远站在黑暗。活在黄昏里或晨曦里，那会更有趣。 常常只想着这么做别人会难过吗？不能只顾虑别人的感受，而不表达自己的意见。如何同时不伤害别人却又能得到自己想要的是一门学问。这总要伤害了人很多次，才学会的。 所以呢，我只能不想了，不怕了。偶尔，做一些脱轨的事，使坏什么的，还可以轻松一番。总好过当一个烂好人吧。宁愿伤害这个人一百次，也不愿意在背后惺惺作态。 回过头想，别人的批评就是那么一回事。越是觉得伤害，越得警惕自己～道行不够高，继续修炼。更要庆幸，这是单刀直入的，不是笑里藏刀。 坦坦荡荡的面对真实的自己。

以前我会不顾一切朝我喜欢的人飞奔而去。现在，我学会了在一旁观察，偶尔靠近一些，然后远离一阵子。如果那只是我一厢情愿的喜欢，不如在还没有破坏这段关系，玻璃掉到地面的那一刻，抽离。

The movie's plot is not new to me. We can't deny that some young people have had sex, regardless their background, ethnic etc. The story is so close to my heart, as I have learned and seen it when I was a Community Education Officer in FRHAM. http://www.mtime.com/movie/111777/ The soundtracks of the movie is kind of surprise for me. There were my favourites and among the songs, there is my favourite singer, Faye Wong. "暗涌" was played when the girl was riding the motorbike with her boy friend. She looked so empty, as if her life is not worth to continue.